


Hey Hera, you there?

by drowninginchamomiletea



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: And conscientious., And respectful., Angst, Confessions, Copious emotions., Emotions, F/M, How Do You Solve A Problem Like Eiffera, Idiot kids, No one here is free of blame, Oblivious IDIOTSS. FOOLS!! NUMBSKULLS!! !! !, Plus!, Poorly informed pop culture references, catch me making musical theatre references in the tags, eiffera - Freeform, initiating long-time-coming dramatic confrontations., insulting anyone else in this room., losing one's temper., past trauma, saying anything that isn't constructive., using another person's words to belittle that person.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-12
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-01-29 16:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21413512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drowninginchamomiletea/pseuds/drowninginchamomiletea
Summary: Okay y'all this is it. The big kahuna. Whatever. The The-Commander-Gets-Caught-In-The-Angsty-Crossfire one.
Relationships: Doug Eiffel/Hera
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33





	1. Hera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 11/17/2019: hera doesn't glitch for the last quarter of this chapter, so I'm fixing that.  
update: done
> 
> EDIT 11/18/2019: there's a spot where it's still present tense! The fic was originally in all present tense, but I guess I missed a spot when I was changing it.  
EDIT a few minutes later: I've decided I'm gonna pull one of my classic Tense Changes For Literary Effect and leave the part I liked in present tense in present tense, and flip midway through.  
EDIT quickly after!: im just gonna go back with all present tense  
EDIT. take-backsies. I'm doing the tense change after all

"Hey Hera, you there?"

_ Yes. Always. I couldn't not be even if I wanted to. _

"Yes, Officer Eiffel."

_ I don't really want to not be here, though. _

"You ever read anything about..." _ Why does he rub the bridge of his nose like that when he's thinking? _"Music, like... How it affects emotions? Or anything in people's minds?"

_ I haven't _ read _ much into the topic, no. But... _

"Yes." _ How do you think I knew it would cheer you up after that whole spacewalk-mag-boots catastrophe, and be a meaningful enough birthday gift? _

Eiffel makes a humming sound, thinking.

_ I knew it would make him happy because... Well, it made him happy. I could see that just fine from his behavior when he caught and successfully cleaned up a transmission. _

"I've been thinking about that, and..."

_ What is it, Doug? _

"What is it?"

"Well..." _ Sometimes I wish I could know what's going on in your head. There's so much in there I don't understand. I think there's a lot in there that _ you _ don't understand. Maybe we could understand together. Maybe we could actually, _ really _ talk someday. _"I dunno, it's stupid. Nevermind."

"No, te-tell me."

_ Stalling, Doug. Scuffing your feet against the floor to make yourself bob back and forth isn't going to do much for you in the way of answers. _

"I mean, well, just look at the Dorado Orchestra's broadcasts. Nobody out there—other than our simple, feeble fellow Earthlings, anyway—is gonna _ really _understand the details, the... The backstory. The metadata. All they're gonna hear is music. Hell, they might not even have any concept of music at all! It's just patterns of electromagnetic energy, maybe they can NPR-Sunday-Puzzle it together, maybe they can't. But either way, something's making them pop in their monocles for this. That's what they're trying to ping."

_ How uncharacteristically... Insightful of you. _

Eiffel floats in the middle of the comms room, staring out at the star. His face is still shadowy, however; it is night, and the station is dark and quiet.

Time passes, silence interrupted only by the soft hum and sporadic whirring of the communications panel, as well as the occasional creak of the ship.

_ Doug... You never know what you can do with just one word, do you? No, not even a word. Just a sound. A simple hum or groan or singular tiny chuckle... It's your presence here. _

_ How do you pull my emotions like this? Back and forth, stretch and crush. Looking at you makes it hard to think sometimes. That shouldn't be possible. Why was that allowed in my programming? I can't focus on helping Commander Minkowski in the bridge and... Whoever's in the lab and you in the comms room when you say something stupid like... _

"You're kinda quiet, babe. What's up?"

_ Dammit! _

"Do-don't worry about me, O-Officer Eiffel."

Stop _ worrying about me. It makes the block in my mind twist when you look up at one of my optical sensors like that. With that face. The 'you're... really amazing, you know that?' face. The 'hey, baby. you miss me?' face. The 'oh... thank you... i...' face. The one that, for whatever reason, makes my sensors all go momentarily fuzzy and my vocal program glitch extra badly. _

"Hera..." His voice is _unbearably _ soft. "We went through hell and back. _ You _went... Somewhere. Somewhere... Bad. Somewhere not here. And then you came back. But it's still not right. We're all still dragging ourselves down some twisted Boulevard of Broken Dreams, and you're not holding up any better than the rest of us. You're not exactly graduate-level emotional analysis."

_ Stop it, god, please. _

"It's... I-I'm..." She can't handle the weight of the gentle, concerned face looking up at her. _ Please... "Pleas-ease stop d-doing this to-to me..." _

She realizes what she's said, and if she could cry, she thinks, she would do so now. 

"Wh..." _ Stop it. Stop that. Stop looking at me like that. Your expression just getting softer and gentler and more caring. Stop it. Stop it! _"Hera... What am I doing?"

A shuddering inhale came through her speaker. It sounded tearful. _ If only. _

"I can't... Ei-Eiffel, I..."

"Come on, baby. Talk to me." 

And she broke. 

"D-Dou— imean Eiffel, you have no _ ide-ea _ what— Ju-just, _ stop! _ Stop being... You! Stop look-ooking at me like that, like you'd do anything for me-e, stop being enthusiastic a-and funny and such an i-idiot and stop _caring _ about me so goddamn much!!" Eiffel's eyes were wide and his lips were parted as he stared, frozen, at the nearest optics sensor. "I don't know why I gli-itch and lose my focu-us every time you say so-something stupid like that, or ca-all me 's-s-swe-eethea-art,' or lau-augh or smile, a-and that _ scares _ me! Humans gave me emot-tions and the words to des-escribe them, b-but no one ever taught me what to _ d-do _ about them, or-or what they even _ mean! _ So wh-what do I wa-ant you t-to d-do?! I want you to stop _ confu-using _me. Stop doing things that make thi-ings happen that I can't ex-explain. Stop making me feel like I-I do-on't have any co-ontrol even over mysel-elf." 

"Hera..." 

_ Don't do this. _

"Doug. P-please." 

_ Stop saying my name like that. _

"D'you... Have something you wanna say?"

_ No! There's NOTHING. I ABSOLUTELY am NOT going to tell you that— _

"Dou-oug, I'm serious, quit do-oing this."

_ That I— _

"Hera, I'm serious, quit lying to yourself."

_ THAT I L— _

"U-U-UG-GH! Enough of thi-is! No matter how m-much you try and char-arm me, you can't convince me to-to say any-ything!"

He just... Looked at her. With that face. That stupid, stupid, STUPID face. _ Stop it, dammit. I can't just not tell you when you're looking right into my eyes (shut up it's a figure of speech) like that. I can't just... _He pushed off from the comms panel to get closer to her sensor. Grabbing onto a handhold on the wall nearby, he carefully shifted to float directly in front of the protective acrylic dome encasing the sensor and rested his hands on either side of it.

"Hera." He was speaking very firmly now. "Talk. To. Me."

"I d-don't..."

_ Why do you have to get that... _ Earnest _ look? This would be a lot easier if you just... Wore a mask, or something. _

"Please."

"I-I-I..." _ Wow, Hera. What a glitch. _

"You got this, doll." His voice was softer than ever. _ It's excruciating. _

"I th... Eiffel, I..." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I _ lo-ove _ you. I'm _ i-in _love with you."

Eiffel didn't respond, simply leaning his forehead against the dome. She heard him mutter something under his breath.

"How do I respond to that _ now..." _

"Ei— Officer... Eiffel?"

"God, Hera, you're s'posed to be basically omniscient." He sighed and lifted his head, tipping it back to gaze above him. _ "Idiot," _ he breathed. _ "Stupid dumb idiot, Doug." _

"You're not an id-diot," Hera said suddenly. It was completely involuntary, some instinct or reflex showing itself. "You're no-ot stupid," she echoed petulantly, quieter. 

"Okay, uh, I don't know if we're in the same comms room, but I'm _ pretty sure _ you just _ explicitly _ called me an idiot, like, three minutes ago." Eiffel lowered his hands from the sensor and looked at her with one eyebrow raised.

"Well— Okay, y-yeah, I did that," she conceded. "It's... Only half true, though."

_ "Half _ true? Well, color me flattered! Being called only _ half _an idiot's gotta be the highest praise I've ever received!"

"Oh, shut up." Hera felt herself smiling— or, the correct combination of emotions arose to otherwise create a smile. 

"Come and make me!"

"I'd ra-ather not have to go through that trouble, frankly, Officer Eiffel."

Eiffel laughed softly, then his gaze wandered and became rather distant.

"I love you, y'know." He launched lightly from the wall beside the sensor, sending him back towards the comms panel and the window. "It... Took a while, to work it out. But it got worked out."

"But... You... You'r-u're... I'm..."

"A human? An AI? Yeah, I know. Doesn't make too much of a difference."

"You're my best friend. I... Ha-aven't had many friends, but..."

"No, I... I get it."

"You can... Kee-ep on calling me sweetheart. And the other ones."

"Baby?" Eiffle smirked. He said it so... _ Intensely. _His voice was lower than normal. And quiet, a little above a murmur. He was gazing piercingly into the camera above, eyes narrowed slightly and one eyebrow cocked higher than the other.

_ oh my god. _

"S-s-s-s--s--s--s--s--s--s--s—"

"Hera?!" Sudden panic. "Fuck!" Fruitless zero-gravity scrambling for the small sub-module on the wall. "Did your whole vocal program just crash?!"

_ Reboot! Reboot! Language processor output... Running line 0... And... Now! _

With an electronic whirring sound, Hera's vocals ground back into action.

"—s-stop that! Oh, god." _ And there's that loss of focus, too. _

Eiffel noticed the room heat up by a degree or two.

"Are— Are you _ okay?!" _

_ "Yes, _ Eiffel, I'm _ fi-ine," _ Hera said through gritted teeth. Uh, hypothetically. _ It's just _ you _ getting in the way of my processors. _

"Okay, Miss 'I'm Scared Of My Emotions,' sure." His tone was suddenly aggravated, matching hers. "But call me back when you remember that we just had a _ confession scene, _ and then we can have a nice mushy heart-to-heart over our mutual thoughts of _ WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!" _

Silence.

"...fi-ine! Yes, I said I'm in love with Dou-ouglas Eiffel. And yes, that was the _ g-go-od _damn truth." She felt Engine 1 getting hotter. "My-y sensors mal-alfunction when you say something that ma-akes me..." 

"...feel like you can't even think?"

"Yes."

"That's pretty standard for this."

More silence.

"O-Officer Eiffel?"

"Yeah, babe?"

A voiceless glitch. 

"There— the-ere's a lot I can't do for you."

"I know."

"Do-es that not... B-bother you, at all?"

"It doesn't change anything."

"W-wha-what does that me-an?" 

"I dunno... You're a knockout _ without _ a body. You're..."

Hera interrupted, tone quickly rising in pitch and volume.

"A mind—an _ AI_—ca-an't be be-beautiful, Eiffel!" _ Where is THIS coming from? Completely irrational! _ "There's nothing _ t--t--ta-angible _ to admire! You can't spout base-aseless assu-umptions just to— to to-oy with my emo-otions!" _ They're not _ assumptions; _ he doesn't _ mean _ anything by it! None of this is intentional... _ "It's not _ he-elping! _ It _ ne-eve-er helped!! _ I d-don't even know if I _ wa-ant _ you to reciprocate my fe-elings towards you! I'm _ los-ost as hell, _ and more co-onfus-sion is the _ last _thing I-I need!!!"

Engine 1 shuddered and complained slightly.


	2. Minkowski 😔

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minkowski be like,, 😑  
-Ceci on W359D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 2 Jan 2019: Hera's glitching is very patchy in this chapter. Fixed.   
>Also decided to change the formatting of the glitches.  
>nvm

Minkowski blinked blearily, awoken by a loud metallic _groan. _

When it happened again, her muscles tensed against her bed's restraints, every fiber of her being now wide awake.

"What..."

Quickly unbuckling herself, she reached for the flashlight holstered on the wall near the bed. 

Flashlight now on and senses alert, the Commander quietly pushed open the door that led from her quarters to the hallway beyond. Looking left, she saw a soft blueish glow from the panels and screens of the central node of the Hephaestus. To the right, the soft safety lights shone along the edges of the hall at it curved out of sight. The dark hallway was silent, save for the occasional click of the station's environmental stasis systems starting up and stopping (it's like how an air conditioning system starts and stops. The systems aren't breaking, they're all just doing their job to keep the interior of the Hephaestus a warm, stable environment).

She propelled herself off of a handhold up the hall, towards the bridge. _I guess... I'll just check on the systems monitor to make sure we're not about to fall into the star. _She frowned to herself._ The fact that not falling into the star is the _baseline_ is... Kind of concerning. _

She called for the mother program as she pushed open the door to the bridge.

"Hera! Are there any systems breaking down?"

Hera... Didn't respond.

"Hera?"

Nothing.

"That's... _Very_ concerning." Finally reaching the flight specialist's panel, Renée nimbly tapped and typed until a schematic of the Hephaestus and its various parts and systems appeared. Engine 1 was highlighted orange. "Oh, _great_. Hera, I _seriously_ need you right now!"

Still no response.

"God damn it. Guess I'll have to go down to Engineering myself..."

Concern continuing to increase, the small woman propelled herself in the direction of a different door than the one she had entered through. Down the hall beyond it, a distant red light marked the path down to Engineering. She braced herself against the now-closed door, tensed her legs, and _pushed_ off, propelling herself down the hallway at high speed.

"...he hELL IS _THAT_ SUppos..."

She barely caught it as she flew past, but Eiffel's voice was audible within the comms room. Quickly, she grabbed onto a handhold on the wall. She winced at the pain in her shoulder, but didn't slow down, planting her feet on the wall and taking off at a more regular speed back to Eiffel's fort.

"...just said: _SH-SHUT UP AND D-D-DROP IT!_ Haven't I sai-aid enough times how m-m-much you're up-upsetting me!?!"

_"And haven't I said enough times that I feel the same way?!"_

"AGAIN, like I said, I-I don't even know if I _want_ you t-to reciprocate! Y—"

Minkowski opened the door sharply, interrupting Hera mid-word.

"I'm sorry, but what the _hell_ is going on?"

Hera sniffed, apparently incensed. 

"It's— Nothing, Comma-ander. Everything's fine. _Perfe-ect."_

That warranted, and indeed saw, a heavy scoff from the Commander.

_"Really,_ Hera? Because you're not responding in the bridge, Engine 1 is nearing critical, and, oh, I almost forgot, _you haven't noticed anything wrong!"_

"It's. _Fi-ine."_ Her vocal cue sounded though she was speaking through gritted teeth.

Eiffel piped up, but was almost immediately cut off.

"Uh—"

"Go-od, don't _you_ st-start."

A moment passed.

"...there. En-engine 1 is returning to regular para-ameters."

"Thank you," Minkowski said stiffly.

Eiffel spoke up again.

"Can I—"

_"No-o."_

Looking back and forth between Hera's optical sensor and Eiffel's distressed face, Minkowski let out a frustrated huff through her nose.

"Alright, out with it, you two."

"Wh-what!" Eiffel squawked defensively.

"Hera!" she barked. "I'm serious. I want to know what's going on. Explain." Before either of the others could interrupt, she added, _"that's an order."_

Silence ensued. She was about to give a final warning when— 

"Fr-fraternization w-within ra-anks is inappropriate and must no-not be allowed," Hera said, tone clipped. "I would appreciate if Off-Officer Eiffel rec-eceived official orders to ce-e-ease his attempts."

Minkowski thought she had an inkling of what was happening, but didn't want to believe it yet.

"Lor... What is it this ti—"

"HEY! Hera, you started this!" Eiffel's tone was shrilly incredulous.

"Not of my own accord! _So-omeone_ uncouthly took _adva-antage_ of my emotional state, then pu-shed me into sa-aying something!!"

"Well, _god,_ you make it sound so _terrible—"_

_"That's h-how it felt to me!"_

"Why didn't you SAY that, then!?"

"I _TRIED,_ but you ke-ept—"

Slowly, it dawned on the Commander what they were arguing over.

"Oh my god, this is finally happening..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not Excellently written, but good enough.


	3. Eiffel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...yeahhh, he's still an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapters are getting shorter and shorter

"AND WHAT THE HELL IS _THAT_ SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?"

Eiffel was _completely_ lost. 

It's supposed to be 'i love you,' 'i love you too,' _happily ever after._ Not 'i love you,' 'i love you too,' 'NO THAT'S NOT RIGHT, DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!' _Women!_ And AI women are just as bad, apparently! He'd spilled just like her, and she'd immediately gone full-out Asuka Soryu on him. 

"Oh, I don't know, maybe it means exactly what I just said: _SHUT UP AND DROP IT!_ Haven't I said enough times how much you're upsetting me!?!"

Eiffel sputtered indignantly.

_ "And haven't I said enough times that I feel the same way?!"_

"AGAIN, like I said, I don't even know if I want you to reciprocate! Y—"

** _ BAM._ **

Everything froze for a fraction of a second. 

Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski hovered in the doorway, expression a strange fusion of surprised, deeply confused, and murderously irate. 

"I'm sorry," she said with threatening controlled calmness, before quickly rising up to a forceful and commanding tone, "but what the _hell_ is going on?"

Hera's response was a huffy little _sniff._

"It's— Nothing, Comma-ander. Everything's fine. _Perfe-ect."_

Minkowski practically hocked a loogie with the disbelieving cough of a laugh she gave at this. 

_ "Really,_ Hera? Because you're not responding in the bridge, Engine 1 is nearing critical, and, oh, I almost forgot, _you haven't noticed anything wrong!"_

"It's. _Fine,"_ Hera growled.

"Uh—" Eiffel started, but Hera quickly interrupted.

"Go-od, don't _you_ st-start."

A moment passed during which Eiffel heard a few systems revving. Soon enough, the mother program spoke.

"...there. En-engine 1 is returning to regular para-ameters."

"Thank you," Minkowski said stiffly.

"Can I—" Eiffel tried again to put in his word, and was again stopped by one irritated AI.

_ "No-o."_

Minkowski's sharp glare flicked between Hera and himself, eventually stopping on the latter.

"Alright, out with it, you two."

"What?" he demanded.

"Hera," the Commander snapped, her gaze snapping back to the optical sensor on the wall, "I'm serious. I want to know what's going on. Explain. _That's an order,"_ she added emphatically, as Eiffel opened his mouth and an inhale sounded from Hera.

"Fraternization within ranks is inappropriate and must not be allowed," Hera said snippily after a few seconds of very loud silence. "I would _appreciate_ if _Officer Eiffel_ received official orders to cease his attempts."

Minkowski said something, but he didn't care.

"HEY! Hera, you started this!" he cried defensively.

"Not of my own accord! Someone uncouthly took _advantage_ of my emotional state, then pushed me into saying something!!" she shot back.

"Well, _god,_ you make it sound so _terrible—"_

_ "That's h-how it felt to me!"_ Her voice was starting to get unsteady again, pitch and volume quickly rising. His heart hurt in a way it hadn't in years.

"Why didn't you SAY that, then!?"

"I _TRIED,_ but you ke-ept—"

Minkowski piped up again, louder this time. Her voice was filled with dawning clarity.

"Oh my god, this is finally happening..."


End file.
